I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
