Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
