I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize