did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
