My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
