my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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