Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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