There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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