somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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