using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
