My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
