he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You pole danced in your parka.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
