I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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