my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
