if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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