I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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