She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
