Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
