Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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