It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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