I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We talked him into tasing himself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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