Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
