Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
