Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
