You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
