I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
