Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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