holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
