i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
