Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize