could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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