singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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