I got chris browned last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
