It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize