He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
