I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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