sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
