you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
