I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
