She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You did what with his pubic hair?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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