Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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