Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
