My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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