I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
