Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
