Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
