im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize