why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
