Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
