so explain again why im purple
no
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
