We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
