This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
