Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
