im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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