is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
