"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
