i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
