Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
