My pussy is not your playground.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
