omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I color on your dick again?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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