I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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