I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you inspire me to be a worse person
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
