My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
