Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
