i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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