just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize