A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize