Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
