I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
